SINGLE BUT LOOKING

Since the “Jiwang” mood is around the corner of my heart, let me tell why I am so impress with that girl. For the first time in my fucking retarded life, I am a bit “Romantic”. I tell you why. I did a few thing that I never ever think that will happen in my life.

When I follow her to the saloon that day, we are walking across the road. With a sudden I grab her hand softly and cross the road (There was a car ma,not that I want to take advantage on her). I didn’t know what I am doing. But I know she fell secure when I did that. This I can tell by looking straight on her eye (Which is the cutest eye ever). Beside she didn’t stumble, and she let me have her hand (Inside me I was jumping like hell!!! YES!! Yes!!) . I know she didn’t expect anything about that (Of course not la. How do you expect a serial killer will let you play with his knife). I do care about her. Not that I try to impress her. Not that I show that I pretend to take good care of her. This action come from deep inside my heart.

Next thing that keep bugging me, at the beach. I never walk or date with any girl on the beach which I think it is a bit romantic. You know why it is romantic? I was talking with her almost about anything even though that was not our official date. Even though there are a lot of contrast between us. She said “Come, we play at the sea shore” and I say “No!! I don’t like salt water. We go to that shady place la.” (I am afraid of sea). She did splash me a bit and then follow me (The water kena my eye ba. Hurt my eye a bit). She follow what I say. That’s the best part.

Every Sunday, when she didn’t go to church, I used to “Tapau” for her. I guess that’s her favorite because she ate all of it (Kadang-kadang I help her to finish it also. What??!! She’s the one who “suapkan” me). I have to go back early from church, forget about drinking, snooker (The only day light entertainment in Labuan) and many more unhealthy activities to get to her so that she would not be hungry. Other than that, its the day that I can see her for the whole day. That time my favorite movie was “Her”. I need to “watch” her every day (Very edicted to her alredy). She did change me.

Each time when I was drunken, she can overcome her madness at me. She was not angry with me but there were no “Kiss” for the day just because of the alcohol fume. She is “Fighting fire with water”. I know that’s the best way for her to teach a “stubborn man” (But this is the most painful way). At that time also “Love” can be on and off, all those fighting and quarreling thing, ya ya normal for a loving couple. Sometime my “Stubborn” behavior was melt down by her “Kiss Mengejut”. Why we call it “Kiss Mengejut”, because with a sudden and in the middle of nowhere she kiss me. I did tell her that I go clubbing and she just say “Ok, but be careful and don’t dirty dance with the girl there a. That thing was mine only” (What she mean is my heart :p ). I say “Ok” and I keep my promise to her even though there are bunch of “Half Naked” bitch in there. She can understand me much more than I can understand myself.

When we finally finish our final sem there, we are in the same flight to Miri. Just after the flight take off she start crying and I don’t know what else to do (Completely blur. No girl ever cry for me, do you think you will cry if MARILYN MANSON left you?). I could not persuade her and I was totally rubbish. She was sad because we will be far apart and she could not see me every day anymore. In Miri my flight was to Sibu while her’s to Kuching. In the airport she still crying and just before she went into the flight, I gave her a hug and a kiss and again she was crying badly. I promise to her that I will come to Kuching to see her. It was in the middle of waiting hall while hundred of people was looking at us (I don’t know what are they thinking, but their face seams to be blur looking at us).

These thing will remain in me for the rest of my life. That’s why until today she is still the one and only. Every day I “talk” to God, ask God to grand her with happiness with her love one. For those who are in love rite now, try to understand your couple and do give him or her a little bit of space. Loving doesn’t mean “NO” to everything that you don’t like. Get into him or her. Be him or her parts because most of you are remain in him or her heart. As for me, I remain “Single But Looking”.

This morning I was browsing The Borneo Post (local newspaper) and one topic came across my reading “Central region for eco-tourism”. In the article stated that central region of Sarawak (Sibu, Sarikei, Mukar and Kapit) had a lot to offer in term of eco-tourism product. But some of us wonder what exactly happen within this area. Every one reading this article must be eager to find out what is so attractive about this place. May be every one will start thinking everything will be something like they have in Sarawak Culture Village.

Center of Sarawak.

A few weeks earlier I get to talk with two “hot” tourist from UK. They ask me whether I still live in longhouse. I say I did and they are excited to hear that. But I said its not made out of wood anymore and they are shock to here that. They say they love to see all the wooden long longhouse. They love to experience staying in the longhouse if they get to but they are going to Bali the following days (Of course both of them will stay in the longhouse if they “experience” me). I was so happy to here that they are interested to our culture meanwhile our local friend say we are still left behind by the world. We don’t stay at the top of the tree and we never did that.

Who say we are left behind?!! We got ASTRO also ma.

Here are few thing that most of us may be don’t know. Have any of us ever encounter having “4X4 challenge” every time you go to your home sweet home? Have you ever imagine walking three to four hour before you reach your home? Have any of us ever wonder life without any proper water supply or pipe? These are a few basic question that need to be tackle before all of this Tourism thing can be happen. If you ever notice in any of “P. Ramli’s movie”, the road in Semenanjung Malaysia during that time is much better then ours in Sarawak this days. That movie is fifty plus years a go. Does this facilities did not important to our tourism? How do this tourist can access easily to this kind of place, to those long house?

“Every day is “4x4 challenge”.

I understand that the tourism board want us to maintain our village lifestyle. Yes it is an attraction for the foreigner and our local Malaysian who never experience it. But how long? And again as I have said before, all of the world are welcome to our longhouse. No one will cut your head off. No one will eat you alive. At least you will be cook for a while.

Old school long house.

In this days, all of us would not dare to live in a bamboo trunk house. Must be some of you say “Yes I can!!!Who say we cannot?!!”. I know you can for a few night only, but do you dare for the rest of your fucking life? Will you? Time change, as well as us. We need to make our settlement to be as comfortable as all people want. At least may be the government and the tourism board can provide us with all that hard wood used to decorate “your” fancy office for us to build better and more attractive longhouse. To make thing even worse, if we want to cut down trees to build better longhouse, you say we are illegal deforestation. We complain that there are illegal logging steeling our trees, “you” say “you” could not do anything, “gangster control ba”. I could not accept the fact that you are afraid of those “gangster”.

“Modern a bit longhouse”

Not that I want to blame anyone for this matter, what I want is someone should look into this matter. Those rural area are the most needed area that need someone to take care about. There area is the most important area for tourism. But some courage need to be done to “upgrade” this place to be “A Place Like No Other”.

The most beautiful part during this time was, I am in love with this gorgeous and beautiful girl. She was very adorable, passionate, lovely, supportive, cute and if I name all the characteristic that I like about her it will be as long as one post. In simpler word, I really into her and she is my “type”.

The way I fall in love with her is the most wired stuff that ever happen to me. First time I meet her was during our Choir Practice. This choir stuff was compulsory ok, not that I am willing to join it. She was invited by our class mate to be our conductor and choir adviser. The first day when she come, I was late and when I was there she was nagging to my tutor mate about their voice. That time I was piss off already and saying to myself that “I don’t like this girl”. That time I already start to miss behave myself. Showing some protest again her. First day she just stare at me with her angry face.

Next practice I came late as usual. And this time there were no excuse any more. She start scolding us so that we do not come late to practice and even though she didn’t pointing her finger at me, I know she address it to me since I came late twice already. I say to myself, “wow, this girl didn’t know that I am the oldest here and I am repeater”. And again during practice I keep on disturbing other (my lifetime hobby). This time I think she could not stand any longer with me and start shouting at me “Hei you, can you be more serious with your practice!!”. I was so damn shock. This girl was so damn brave. I mean, don’t she ever afraid of someone that is twice her size with skin head?

When the practice was over, I start thinking that she was so damn serious with the practice. When I think back she was not that “Bad” la. I motivate myself to come early for the next practice hopping that I can talk to her. I did come earlier, and I get my first complement from her. She said “Good, you come early today”. I was so happy inside and I control myself not to disturb anyone but didn’t manage to do so. But a bit only la. What can you do if you are born to be like that. End of practice, she tease me again “Next practice you must come early also k”.

That moment I almost fall into her. I try my best not to like her. What, I tell my roommate about her scolding me. I told them I don’t like her. I told them I am forever a single man. For the next practice, I came on time, I become more serious about my practice and she did smile to me every time the practice was over. That’s smile that attract me the most. She is cute when she smile.

Finally its the night for the choir competition. Knowing that this may be the last time that I get to meet with her, I dare myself to do what ever it takes to buy her drink and to get her phone number. After our tutor finish our parts, I went outside the hall and she was standing alone there and I approach her for the first time. “Hei its hot inside right? You are sweating” “Ya….” “Come, I buy you a drink” “Realy??!!Are you sure?” “Ya ya”. And we walk to the lousiest shop I have ever been. I bought her a drink and walk back to the hall.

I ask her if she want to go inside or just sit outside the hall. She want me to sit with her outside the hall. I feel that night my dream come true and the world is mine!!! But wait, I don’t have her number yet. “Em…is that your phone?” “Yes it is” “Must be you have the number, what was it?” “Hei, you are asking for my phone number!!!” “Hehehe…ya”. She gave me the number and after all the choir stuff finish, I went back to my room and before I sleep, she sms me “Thanks for the drink. Good night”. I was super duper happy!!!. Since then I didn’t meet her but I just sms her.

One day her tutorial and my tutorial accidentally went to the same beach for BBQ. I get to walk with her at the beach for a while. Chit chat a bit wit her, teasing her, showing that I like her and all that kind of stuff. The following week she ask me to accompany her to dye her hair back to black and every one was staring at me with their face questioning “What the hell this skin head guy doing in that saloon?!!”. I will do what ever it takes to win her heart.

I told her that I love her so much just a few day’s after that and she accept me. And everything was going smoothly. It’s a normal routine for a loving couple to go dating, shopping, dinner, lunch and so on. I am kind of glad that I have a chance to love her and I did really love her. From time to time, I love her more and more. I don’t know if she was feeling the same towards me.

But every thing is changing and we just be together for almost one year only and both of us take our own path. We are not mean to be together. We are too far apart from each other. Even though until this second I still love her, what can I do to make her come back to me,nothing. She is way beyond my control. Deep inside my heart, I want her to be back to me simply because I still do love her. I miss her a lot. Now what I can do, I lie to myself that I can live without her love. I lie to myself that I don’t like her anymore. I pretend that she never come to my life. I pretend that I don’t miss her but I miss her so bad. Ya I know its been 4 years already, but I never forget about her.

Now the Industrial Training almost come to the end and until today (25/6/2008) there are another two more week left. As I did mention on the previous post the there are a lot of thing that happen during those days. I fell quite sad since the staff in the office are really nice. A big thanks to them for giving me an opportunity for me to complete this Industrial Training in their organization. I did learn a lot from them. Big thanks also to Mr. Soon Hun Yang (Chief Executive Director) and Mr. Soon Choon Huie (Managing Director) of Eco-Ideal System Sdn. Bhd. and Eco-Ideal Consulting Sdn. Bhd. for giving me place for me to undergo my Industrial Training.

Eco-Ideal

To all the staff in both Kuching Office and Kuala Lumpur Office, thank you for all of your support. Thanks for all of your support and all of your kindness was appreciated.

The staff and the guy at the back is our lovely and the most hansom supervisor, Mr. Luk!!

During this period also, both of us Roland experience a lot of thing not only thing in the office, but other thing. The day the Industrial Training coordinator came to visit, it was a fantastic rather then feeling scary. They did extend their visit into two night rather then one night instead. On the second day of their visit, they invite us to pay a visit to DBKU. This is the second official visit for them and us too. And not to be forgotten the “Nasi Lemak” they serve was quite nice.

Me being very “Good Boy” in front of my lecturer.

After that its “Cuti-Cuti Malaysia” time. Its kind of odd having a simple vacation with your lecturer. I mean when they are not “official”, we kind of knowing their “other” part beside knowing their “lecturer” behavior. They are very nice and did very playful. It’s wired at the first place but everything is just fine. The entire vacation thing will be updated when I am back to UTM.

Roland being “Ketua Jabatan” with the leather beg.

YB being wild!! Miau…

The topic sound so “SUCKS” to me. But it come to me when my mummy ask me about it a few day’s back. While I help her with the dish, with a sudden my mummy came to talk about this topic. In my mind “Oh my God, help me”. The conversation took place in the kitchen and this was how the situation was:

Mummy : Did you have any girl friend now?
Ubek : Hell No Mother!! (Fell like hanging myself with such question)
Mummy : No you don’t? Why? Not even one izzit?
Ubek : I don’t mummy. Really. I don’t want to. I am sick of girl.
Mummy: Why you hate girl then? What did they did to you?
Ubek : Nothing mummy. I just don’t feel into that kind of relationship.
Mummy : Really? Don’t you want to get married?
Ubek : No at this moment.
Mummy : You should think it now. You are big enough.
Ubek : No I don’t. I am still young.
Mummy : You are young you said?!! With that beard, mustache and your hairy body you say you are young!!
Ubek : Hehehe…..

I manage to get rid of the conversation when I start giving my ridicules reason. But what I really want to say to her was, marriage is like jumping into the fire of hell. Here are few reason for me for not be able to answer “Yes” to most of my mother’s question.

1. Marriage mean legally having sex (your father and mother know what you did)
2. I love “womans”. I know the spelling was wrong but think back if the spelling was “woman”, then it will be only “one” woman. I don’t want that.
3. Easily get bored of woman. I love woman for a few second only.
4. I intend to not lying with girl that I love which I feel sucks!
5. I don’t want to share thing with “you”. My wallet is my only wallet, your wallet is my wallet too.
6. Girl is materialistic while I love your boobs. That’s way to different thing man!!

That’s just some of it. But what I concern a lot was, as I said earlier I easily get bored and this will happen:

Thanks to my buddy Madi for this cute little picture.

Hahaha!! If you are not keep nagging for New Handbag, this thing will not happen. But if you wish for it, I can give it to you with no further hesitation and question. My advice to all girl out there, you like it or not, sooner or latter you will face it. Haha…

Its been six years since I finish my school. And since then i didn’t get to see this girl. Since then also i didn’t heard news from this girl. I don’t know any thing about her ever since. I don’t know if she ever live ever since or even better she probably death already. Ya it’s sound cruel but who know. The last thing I know she was fucking pregnant. When I know you, I didn’t know that she was fuck fucking. She was wearing “Good Girl Mask” while I use the “Bad Boy Mask”. I never thought that what we learn in Biology class come to practice very early for you. And of course I know you didn’t listen carefully and didn’t concentrate during the class for “Safe Play”.

Of course there are a lot of thing did happen during school time. School time was the time that when you start experiencing a lot of thing. Every one eager to know every thing. At this age also human intention to do and try new thing. This was also the time playing time come to climax. Going out without telling your parent where you went and some time you telling them you go tuition but you are not. And this time also lead where your destination will be in the future. For me, I have choose in the middle of it. Its better and I don’t regret it ever since. It’s the best choice for me.

This morning I wake up late a bit for work. Not that I over sleep, but on purpose I sleep a bit extra for the sake of my fever. When I drove to work like a “Fast and Furious” since I was late while sipping my cigarette. It was a nice morning until this wicked Kancil keep on blocking my way. I never thought that I know who that was. Come to my mind to overtake the car and without noticing who the fuck was in the car. Further sipping my cigarette, looking at the center mirror of my “Honda CRV look alike” and I notice the driver. What I notice was your mother fucking head that is bending to the left a bit. Then its just familiar head. Then I look at the core driver and there you are. Fuck!!! All this time the place that I come to meet you again was while stuck in the middle of traffic jam.

And it was keep bugging me again and again. It was stuck in my mind since this morning. I thought that you are death already. How many children do you have now? Must be a lot since you love fucking. While me that can control my fucking habit still didn’t have any. From what I saw this morning, you didn’t change a lot. Still what you use to be. I notice that you are quite shock to see me. Good for you since this morning I am in good mood and my middle finger was kept well and I didn’t show it to you. Actually you are fucking mistake of my life time. Hopping that you will be happy with your family.

Gawai celebration this year was quite happening to me. I get rid of my phone, laptop, internet and anything that connected to me for almost a week. I on purposely done that so that I can focus on having my Gawai celebration which mean drunken all the time. That’s the best part. So don’t expect any picture of my Gawai celebration. For all friend that wish “Selamat Gawai” and those send me that fucking retard forward message, thanks by the way. To all Dayaks, “Selamat Gawai” and those who are not, we Dayaks also welcome you all to celebrate it with us. To all pigs and chickens, may your soul be rest in peace!! Wuhaaaaaa!!!!

Its been a while with no new update. The reason for that is internet in UTM didn’t cooperate so much for me to update my blog. The connection is really slow and didn’t help so much. Ok back to business, previous post I did mention that I am having my Industrial Training it its still going on until 7th of July I guess. There is a lot of thing that happen ever since I didn’t update the blog. I include some of it in this post.

First of all, life in UTM is good and the matter of fact this sem is really great. Especially surround by wonderful friend of mine, including all my fellow classmate and my course mate. And not be forgotten my fellow golfer and other activity (well you know what I mean…). By the way golf is a tricky game. Its been on and off ever since. My dearest friend Alice is getting onto golfing thing. Good for her.

Orchard Golf and Country Club

What I miss the most is that during last 2 sem I go picnic with my fellow classmate for BBQ in Gunung Pulai waterfall. We have a really wonder full lunch eating a bunch of BBQed chicken and Nasi Goreng and full until death while watching some “kilang chicks” bathing (increasing my appetite about 25.3%).

Sipping my cigarette while BBQ.

Owh by the way, I have change a lot now a days. I have been more and more bookworm. I love reading a lot of book now but not love story novel. My god, i m sick of the “love story novel”!!. Rite now I progressively reading “Visual Basic For Dummy” and most of the time I read “Chicken Soup for the Soul Love Stories”. What? I say I love reading, does not mean that I am in love. Hell no!!

Hei I don’t pretend reading ok. I just “act” reading.hahaha…

Ha?My hair? No change dowh. Its not a complete Lionel if I i have a hair. I admire Hitman so much. I mean the clean and smooth skin head.

Me being Hitman without the bar code.

Last week I get my allowance from my bos and I bought something with it yesterday. I bought this for my love one. Guess who the lucky pair are? Hope they like it.

It’s lovely though.

By the way to my lovely “baby”, I am kind of busy rite now and didn’t have much time to contact you. I will get to text you when i am free. Have a great show. Hope to see you soon after Grammy. I miss you too baby (referring to Scarlett Johansson).

She is adorable.