SINGLE BUT LOOKING

I come to a junction where I have to make a very wise decision for my future. Which is staying in UTM or I have to find other place to continue my study. Yes, I love to study and nothing can stop me from now on (Over my death body!!). And I have choose to live UTM and it is a very hard decision to make. I will talk about what I have select may be in the next post. This time I just want to talk about something that I think that is more valuable then anything. Yes, I could not make every one happy with my decision.

After 4 years of living in UTM, I think it may be it’s time for me to be close to my family. It’s time for me to get a bit close to my parent. After away from them for several years, I think it’s the best time for me to move closer to them. After all they are the most important thing to me. And again it’s a tough decision to make.

4 years of living in UTM people around me are the most lovely people that I ever meet especially the last 2 month. My house mate are the best people I ever know. I just could not imagine how dull my life would be without this people. They never even fail me once during every second they are around me. Pok Nik, Yazid, Hadi and Suhaib are the best friend that I ever have. This are the people will always make my day, even if the day are the worse day of my life.

Knowing this people are the most valuable thing that ever happen in my life. Without them I don’t think that I will be who I am right now. They teach me a lot regardless what ever it is. Friendship, Knowledge, just name it, they are good at it. Forgive me if I have make mistake to any of you. Sorry if I ever hurt any of your feeling with my word.

I am so sorry guys that I have to make the decision. I know there will no other friend like you all. I will never forget all of you. To Pok Nik, mu cepat-cepat la bergewe. Yang kepok lekor tu macam mashuk jek. To Yazid, bila ko nak introduce Fahmi kat family ko? To Hadi, bila nak makan nasi minyak ko ni? By the way, I always love your man boobs and lastly to Suhaib, Hentikan la perbuatan Gaviscon ko tu. Hahaha…. :’(

Since this few days everything seems to not right. I decide to take a “break”. I decide to go some place to release all the tension. Somewhere that I feel good about. Somewhere that I can meet someone to talk to. Someone that listen to whatever I say and accept all what I say. Someone that I can touch and rub with full of love. Someone when I smoke beside her and she did not complain at all. I also can hug her with full of love and she don’t care because she understand me so much. When I call her to come to me, she will run as fast as she could. Greeting me with a smile when ever I come to see her. My heart will always melt when ever she is around. I will feel the worm of her love when ever she is beside me. I can sit and talk to her all day. She never fail me although sometime thing is not right. She accept me for who I am and I do accept who ever she is. Where did go and who did see? Stable and horse there.

This is the place where every tension is gone. This is the best place to be. I miss Mummy Jane so much.

To someone that I love the most, thank you for introducing this song to me and thing that she say at the first few second in the video is the most true word. To that someone, I Just Want Somebody to Love Me. Hope that someone understand.

So everyone is talking about Earth Hour. For me, I did turn off the light for one hour. It was not a big deal for me to do that. Kind of fun actually. I guess it was because the whole world was taking part in this even. During that one hour period what I did was, “bergayut” with my mom. Guess what, they did take part in this even!!! They did turn of the light. I really never know what had happen to my parent!!! Since when did they take part in this kind of thing?!! I am glad that they did it. Kind of make my day. Love them both and really miss them so much.

My ATM(White shirt) and My Hero( Maroon shirt)

Just now my mummy call me. As usual she will talk about almost anything. Including tv show that she watch. One thing that keep bugging me when she call me today about a friend of mine bring back his girlfriend(Sorry kalau ada yang terasa….) which is good. What bug me the most is that How in this world did he do it (I mean bringing the girlfriend back home). For me it is the most impossible thing to be done in this entirely world.

I could not imagine how am I going to tell my parent that I want to bring back a serious girlfriend of mine. What I mean sooner or later that girl will married me. And one more thing, how am I going to tell my parent that I want to get married? Damn, I just could not imagine that. This is what in my imagination right now:

Me: “Eeeerrrrrrr……Mummy……”
Mummy: “Yes, what do you want?”
Me: “Eeeeeerrrrr…..How to say a?”
Mummy: “I don’t know what will you say”
Me: “Eeeerrrr…”
Mummy: “What, you idot??!!!”
Me: “Nothing, I just want to tell you that I am errrr…….”
Mummy: “You what?!”
Me: “I am hungry. That’s it”

See, I am not getting married after all. That is what I fear the most. It is killing me. May be some of you out there are Gamophobia (Phobia of marriage). But for me the problem start before getting married. Dealing with my old man and old lady are the biggest problem. I kind of impress with anyone who tell their parent about their relationship. I mean, how did they do it? It seems there are no problem for them. Since I am not in any relationship with girl right now, it don’t bug me much but sooner or later i have to face it too.

If you out there have any experience (of course there is) on this, please give some advise to me(hehehe…). I want to know your top secret. I really need some advise on this.

This few days I thing I am in a big depression. Got a lot of thing to catch, assignment to finish, PSM(Punca Segala Masalah), and much more. Other thing that bordering me so much are the feeling of “loneliness”. I don’t even know where those feeling came from. I guess those feeling are God”s greatest gift to human. I mean “partner” in their life. What I mean here are someone that can love you, comfort you, understand you, can talk to you when you are down, and the most important part are that someone be part of you. At certain part of life you need someone other then you family or may be someone that going to be your lifetime partner to be there beside you. Even though that I am not really good in my religious (going to church on every Sunday doesn’t mean you are good enough) , I do believe in God and this can be found in the Holly Bible:

Genesis 3:18 And God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a help met for him. First He created one and the other later for support and relationship BECAUSE it was not good to be alone. He could have very well left him alone but he wanted him to have a physical human helper while he inhabited the earth. There is no great love than for another to lay down his life for another. Love is the answer.

Clearly that God created man to have someone in their life. I guess that I can’t even fight those feeling. Everyone could not even hide from this feeling. After all I am just a normal human, and I guess this feeling are normal for me to have. Feeling attracted to someone are very basic in feeling. Not that I am thinking of being married. That is a big NO for that!! Just that I need someone to brighten up my day, someone that can cheer me up, some one to take care of me. Not that I don’t even know how to take good care of myself. In the Holy Bible also did mention this:

Corinthians 13:4-13 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . .And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Also clearly that Love is the greatest thing that God ever created. To be love and love back are the most wonderful thing that happen in this world. Huh…There are nothing that I can do for all of this. I guess I have to handle it wisely from now on. After all life goes on.

To someone, “Don’t you still get what I mean for what I have done? Ha? Ha?” Hehehe…..

To brighten up your day I have this song for you. I say everything which is deep inside my heart thought this song.

Since I met you baby
My whole life has changed
Since I met you baby
My whole life has changed
All my friends tell me I’m not the same
Let me tell you
Since I met you baby, I’m a happy man
Since I met you baby,
Looks like I’m a happy man

I’m gonna try and please you
In every way that I can
Let me tell you

I don’t need nobody
To tell my troubles to
I don’t need nobody
To tell my troubles to

Oh, ‘cause since I met you baby
All I need is you
And oh, pretty baby
You know I love you baby
Better than I do myself
When I’m with you
I don’t need nobody else
Love me in the morning
You got to love me late at night
Love me in the morning
You got to love me late at night
When you love me
I hope everything is all right

She told me that she will be leaving to Russia this Friday. So this song I dedicate to her. Hope she like it and do remember me always. Even I just newly keep in touch with her, I guess I am going to miss her too. I will always pray to God that she will be fine there and your smile will brighten the world. To Sally, this song are for you……

All my bags are packed I’m ready to go
I’m standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breaking
This early morning
The taxi’s waiting, he’s blowing his horn
I’m ready, I’m so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’d wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
‘Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I’ve played around
But I am now, they don’t mean a thing
Every place I go I think of you
Ever song I sing I sing for you
When I come back I’ll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’d wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
‘Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Well now the time has come to leave your
One more time now let me kiss you
Close your eyes and I’ll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have to leave alote
About the times that I won’t have to say

Oh kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’d wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
‘Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

But I’m leaving on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

But I’m leaving on a jet plane
Leaving on a jet plane

p/s: sorry I can’t get a nicer video.

It’s been a while I didn’t contact her. Recently I send message to her and she reply it. Then I thought I want to write something about her. She was my ex school mate. If I were not mistaken, we were also in the same playschool until secondary school. I never meet her ever since we finish school. I never heard anything about her also when we finish school. The last thing I know about her, she was going to Russia to do medic. I guess there are nothing in comment between us that make both of us didn’t contact each other. Other then that I don’t know how am I going to contact her. I didn’t have her number, I don’t have her e-mail and nothing at all. She is in Russia and I am here.

Why I am posting about her, just because she is a wonderful girl that I ever know. I admit that I do admire her back then. I use to label her as “Wanita Koperat”. I call her that because she use to be so detail in every thing. Her style are just like a business women. She look so exclusive and perfect. Her clothing, her sitting position, her talking, her appearance and many more about her that I like. Even when she play organ in church also can make me melt. She is so damn perfect. I have no word to describe how wonderful she was.

If I was not mistaken, she also one of the most “wanted” girl in school. I guess most of them are just dreaming to be her prince charming since she just think of her “business”. After all she is “Wanita Koperat”. I keep on thinking, why did I call her that. She didn’t even know that I call her that. I didn’t even know when I start to call her that also. I never really sit and talk to her nicely. I mean how would you talk to someone that don’t even know how to sit properly and talk nicely. Every word are just joke and it’s not her, it’s me. I regret that. . . Err. . . No I don’t. Err. . . I don’t know!!

Although all that really nice about her, she was just very ordinary girl. She never being cocky to any one. Her prince charming (why not me GOD!!) must be so lucky to have her. The world is so complete with her. Everything seems to be right with her beside you (I mean me. Over my death body if you want her.haha..). By the way, after she done her medic, I want to be her first patient. I want her to heal my empty heart!!

In the near future, I hope I can still get to see her.